Dr. Colin A. Ross is a nationally recognized clinician in the psychology of trauma patients. He's written many books and over a hundred papers on the subject. His most popular seems to be The Trauma Model. I may be mistaken, but that's the one I have heard of the most. Let's just say he's one of the best.
In my previous post, I talked about my stay at the inpatient side of the trauma unit. I am now finishing my last week in outpatient at another space next door. Like I said previously, I am so lucky that this hospital was just down the street from my house because the program literally saved my life. The trauma program is excellent. It's one of the best in the nation with patients from all around the United States travelling to this random place in Texas. I just got very lucky.
So, I want to give a quick overview of what a typical session is like, and I want to then share my experience. Basically, Dr. Ross uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which is a way to dissect distorted or negative thinking patterns so you can be aware for future events and be able to cope with them in a more effective manner. In his sessions, you're in a group setting; however, it's a one-on-one experience therapy session. So, essentially, he talks to one person while the rest of the group stays quiet and processes what is being said because, many times, especially with trauma patients, we have similar stories or backgrounds and can relate to other experiences. The traumas are never spoken about in detail, however, because it can be triggering (which I really appreciate). Now, please keep in mind, I have only been a patient and this is not my field of study or anything. This is the information I have gathered personally.
I won't get too in depth, but he helped me discover the root of one of my distorted ways of thinking. Essentially, I have a complex where I feel like and think I'm a failure. It has a lot to do with some of my trauma as well as emotional and verbal abuse I've experienced and continue to experience. I'm learning to set boundaries though so that's a good thing. Anyway, I now, for the first time in my life, realize that I am not a failure. For someone who has been through some shit, I've persevered. I may have taken longer to get things done, but I have done them. I experienced two divorces as a child, and I got divorced as an adult. Though I have been through a divorce, it wasn't nasty or anything. My ex and I still keep in touch. I didn't witness any healthy relationships as a child so how was I to know any better as an adult? I finished university in a longer span of time than I would have liked or what seemed to be "normal." But, you know what? I did finish, and I got my degree. I may be unemployed right now, but I took a step in the right direction by checking myself into inpatient care. I am resilient. I am not a failure.
However, the one issue I had is when I came out about my eating disorder -- which is based on restricting. It was as if he didn't believe me. It is because I am fat. No, I'm not just saying that. The things he said to me felt invalidating of my experiences. I'm not even going to go into details about it because it upset me so much. This is why I'm so hesitant about doctors. I can be in perfect health, and instead of getting upset with me about smoking cigarettes, they blame my tonsillitis on my weight (I kid you not). I have a clean bill of health via blood tests and have excellent blood pressure. That doesn't matter when you're fat though. I also want to say that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Your disorders are valid. An eating disorder isn't a body type.
All and all, regardless of the eating disorder thing, I think the session helped me so very much. I appreciate the experience more than I can express.
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